mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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