I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
