Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My vagina just recognized that song.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
