yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
