weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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