this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
