He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
