so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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