They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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