Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
