I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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