i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
