My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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