i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
