he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
