You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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