he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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