there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
