everyone is single if you try hard enough
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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