the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
