I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
