I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
