Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
