So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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