matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
