I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
