so that wasnt chicken after all
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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