peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
