i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
