I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
