Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
