I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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