Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
