Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
