So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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