I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
