'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
