i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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