Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
