meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
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James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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