his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
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Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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