Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He kissed a someone with a penis
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
