I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
