Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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