did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
