Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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