I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
