I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick