Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.

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(918): Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited. http://tfl.nu/jj7l

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(313): View more from Michigan

sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test

(1-313): View more from Michigan

but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.

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(313): sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test (1-313): but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know. http://tfl.nu/w4h7

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(907): View more from Alaska

The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.

(907): View more from Alaska

Nevermind, it's not water.

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(907): The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle. (907): Nevermind, it's not water. http://tfl.nu/jzsy

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(714): View more from California

She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.

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(714): She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep. http://tfl.nu/k8wl

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(314): View more from Missouri

Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee

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(314): Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee http://tfl.nu/57zq

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(985): View more from Louisiana

when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"

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(985): when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this" http://tfl.nu/g0yg

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"

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(412): I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this" http://tfl.nu/4n5n

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(404): View more from Georgia

Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow

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(404): Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow http://tfl.nu/pzca

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(330): View more from Ohio

i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision

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(330): i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision http://tfl.nu/wqwa

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.

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(608): I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her. http://tfl.nu/42b2

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(901): View more from Tennessee

She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.

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(901): She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas. http://tfl.nu/43pp

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(303): View more from Colorado

theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away

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(303): theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away http://tfl.nu/plhs

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(201): View more from New Jersey

A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.

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(201): A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns. http://tfl.nu/v0at

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(618): View more from Illinois

I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.

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(618): I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great. http://tfl.nu/nq71

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(734): View more from Michigan

Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.

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(734): Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life. http://tfl.nu/3mco

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