Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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