Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer

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(616): View more from Michigan

margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.

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(248): View more from Michigan

he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(949): View more from California

The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.

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(260): View more from Indiana

It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?

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(208): View more from Idaho

Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?

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(949): View more from California

it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink

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