Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
