Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
