I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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