I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
