cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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