I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
