Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
