u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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