Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
