I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I want to make a zoo with you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need to calm my uterus...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
