please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
