im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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