ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
