so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
