dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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