watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just blew my weed a kiss
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
