so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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