Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
