this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
