Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize