My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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