We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
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And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
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MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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