My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
